my son
They terminated your mother’s parental rights today. Your day started as any other day, you got up, got dressed and off to ride the big boy bus to school. You skipped off the bus line with your happy go lucky walk- We had just had another pep talk about being nice to your friends and taking a good nap because all big boys take good naps. If you noticed my anxiety, you didn’t show it. I couldn’t help but think of what a life changing event this was for you- and you didn’t have a clue. I cried. I cried for your mom and how she must have felt the day she let them take you away to be in foster care. I cried for her because I know she wanted to do what was best for you but when it came down to this final act- she couldn’t do it. I don’t understand her reasoning or thought process but the outcome is the same. You are now considered a neglected child who is in sole custody of the state. Your dad and I will now be allowed to adopt you after we finish jumping thru all of the proverbial hoops. I ran into your mom at the gas station after it was over. She was buying cigarettes. She greeted me with a hello but didn’t say anything about you. I had my back to her, so had she not called my name when she said hello, I would have not even seen her. She nervously babbled on about her new boyfriend and her lack of employment. She was unable to look me in the eye. I wanted to reach out to her but feared that if I said anything at all, it might start some chain of events. Somewhere, deep inside her I know that she is hurting- I also know that she knew the significance of that day. I tried to explain to you today that I will now be your forever mommy. I explained to you that your mom couldn’t take care of you. That she didn’t know how to take care of you. I told you that she was going to let me take care of you and help you grow up to be a big and nice boy. Your response was a very sad face and that your mom was a nice girl. Your little lower lip suddenly became stiff and big and I saw it quiver. I saw you take a deep breath that sort of caught in your chest for a second. I wish I could take away that sad face. I wish now that I hadn’t said a thing to you. Knowing how to parent you is hard. I don’t know what to do or say to help you to understand what is happening or what will happen in the future. I hope I never have to peer into your sad face with your big blue eyes that get cloudy from the tears that threaten to spill but never do. So, our journey together continues my boy. I hope and pray that I do know how to take care of you. ~ mommy
